I'm back from the land of the lost. I finished my fic for
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phoenix_flies finally. *sigh of relief* I think it went pretty well. We'll see when it finally gets posted. *hides*
I've got another fic to work on, but I've got a bit left before it's due. I like having deadlines, but I find myself thinking maybe I'm not cut out to be a journalist anymore. But here I am watching Smallville and I find myself wanting to be Lois Lane. I guess that's who I've always wanted to be. Now, I find myself wondering if that's going to be enough.
I'm thinking of going back to college to get another Bachelor's Degree. I'm considering English this time. I don't know why, but it's always been a thing with me. I know I'll have to take some sort of foreign language if I want a Bachelor of Arts this time. I don't know though. I'm going to go see what I can find out about financial aide for UWF sometime very soon. I want to move away from here so bad it scares me.
I have this thing about moving on. I never know when I need to do it, but after watching someone walk out of my life this week (or that's what I think he's done - he may still call me though, I can't be sure), I really think it's time I started to find out where I belong. I know it's not sitting at a newspaper all night doing what I'm doing. I'm wasting my gift. I'm only writing fic and it doesn't help. Fic is one thing, but going out and finding a story is different. I miss talking to people. You connect with them when you go through an interview. I just don't think being at a newspaper is where I belong anymore.
I'm tired of sitting here waiting for something better to come along. I know it won't. I have to go out and find it. I have to live my own life. I'm almost 28 and I want to settle down into something that I can see myself doing for the rest of my life. And right now, I don't know what I want to do other than getting out of this place. Out of the dead end job that I feel like I'm stuck in.
Something's got to give. I've got to get on with my life even if the guy I really have come to like isn't in it anymore. I can hope and wish for him to call from the place he's moved to, but I can't make him call. If he does, then I'll deal with what comes. I don't want to keep thinking about him and what could happen. I don't want to delude myself into thinking he feels something for me. I don't want to think about him all night and not sleep a wink. I need to make myself forget him until I know what he really wants from me.
The big question always is - if he does care, if he does miss me a little bit, will he do anything about it? And why did he wait so long to tell me he liked me?
Boys suck.
I'm tired and I need to get some rest. I was going to do my best to get up and go to church, but I know on 6 hours of sleep I'll never be able to sit up in church.
Friday night, my boss decided she was going to send just ONE of the many profile sections that have to be printed by the 29th. She sends the rest of it at half past midnight. Everyone else had gone and I had to stay there by myself and finish burning it. I was pissed. LIVID. And I was in pain because I have a nice blister on my leg. I finally left and everyone was gone. That's just not right and it's not happening again. I can't stand that we've got all this profile to do and my boss is waiting until the last minute to send it. It pisses me off big time. I would not run a newspaper like that. We have enough jobs to do as it is on Monday and Tuesday. I just hope she doesn't pile it on those two days. We'll have to do it all on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. It goes out in the Saturday paper. Ugh. Long hours again. I'm sick of it. I'm so tired of being tired and working every night. I don't get weekends off and I get paid peanuts. So why stay at this job?
I think this is the last straw. New job soon.
I need to get some rest. More later. <3
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lilydahlia
tired